It's 1:22 in the morning. I'm up typing an e-mail to him because I have to know. I went and walked outside in the rain after I talked to him on MSN, and he mentioned something about having a crush on this straight guy who is in the play with him, and for whatever reason, I immediately got jealous, and then sad. So here I am.
I'm debating whether to click on Send. The big part of tells me I should do it. The small, sane part of me says I'll lose another friend and end up feeling like complete !@#$ if I do, which is always what happens. God, why does this always happen to me? I'm not supposed to do this. I mean, I think about Jordan, Sean, that guy from EWC.... what if the only answer i'm ever going to get is "No"? What if I'm just going to be alone...... I don't know how much more my heart can take and I know I'm sounding like a complete girl right now, but I feel like one. one of the big things that's holding me back is that I met a guy in this situation like this one, and he actually liked me, but I didn't feel anything for him, and we're not actually talking anymore. What if that happens with this guy? I really don't want to lose him, because I think he's wonderful.
Crap... now I'm crying over him. That was definitely not supposed to happen.
Fuck that. I'm sending it.
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