dear aarie

yeah but isn't existentialism... like..? okay, i still don't really get what that means even though you've explained it to me many a time and a girl in my french class did a presentation about it, but... isn't it something like just believing that you exist just to exist? so if you really are what i defined (i don't actually know if this is what we label "existentialist view" or whatever.) ... i mean, if i do understand a bit and kind of described it kind of accurately, and you are like this, then i just don't get it.

also... i think of it like this: it's just news until it happens to you. and that really is the way i see it... there's so much shit in the world, and even here, where we live: in our own city, neighborhoods. if you actually grieved for every time someone lost a job or someone died or people suffered for their beliefs, you... just wouldn't be able to take it.

this is exactly what i feel like most of the time i feel depressed. i just think of every little bad thing happening to people in the world (or at least, i imagine... and i'm sure it's not totally crazy from the truth... probably less so) and think of how undeservedly fortunate i am. and i just want to die. i don't deserve anything better than the next person (in terms of general living predisposition...) and it really is depressing.

i feel like in order to deal with things, we become apathetic. do we really care anymore that 60 soldiers died in afghanistan? do you actually? what are you doing about it? i mean, i feel bad, and it's sad... but the truth is, most people don't give a shit.

i will now semi-quote a girl from the beauty and the geek (dan and i watched the beginning of one episode): "I'm not really a genius when it comes to world issues -- I am more concerned about things happening in my own life."

she sounded really stupid but for the most most most most majority of people, it's true. we are self-interested, utility-maximizing (happiness maximizing) tools.

you won't understand (and neither will i, of course) what it's like to have someone close to you die until it happens. people are just designed stupidly that way. and it's sad. but just the way things are, in my opinion.

post back please. i want your point of view too (aarie, and everyone).

-chels