Sunday, September 30, 2007

1,2,3,4 4,3,2,1 Rappist!!

Seems like chem is everyone's arch nemesis.. I actually enjoy organic chem more than physical chem. I HATE formulas and calculations. Chels do you want to study together?
Anyways, we should do something for my birthday (Oct 16th). I should be studying for my bio test right now hahaha..
Aaron my new obsession is "I want to do some rap because I'm a RAPPIST!" (by Fake Federline on MadTV).
Despite Lily's acceptance of Parveen's entrance to UBC Phamacy, I am still skeptical. XD

Saturday, September 29, 2007

almost forgot this one

oh lily, thank god you're one of a kind...

if i was green i would die...

sorry i posted the pictures so late, i completely forgot. school once again, despite my efforts, took over my life..
i can hang out next weekend (i don't really know when that is, depends on your definition of "next" chels, which i think differs from mine..)

i liked your poem aaron, it's funny how i know exactly what each part is in reference to. i've gotta say, that reindeer thing is messed up..your dad is a strange man. to answer your question there has been no more blatant sexual advances in the workplace for me, no. but i feel that they're anything but gone...

we should have a halloween party this year, i can imagine it being awsomely fantastic.

ann

birthday pics - the cream of the crop








wow i'm so red, that must have been taken after the bailey's shot...

there's more where those came from, here's the link to the album on facebook for the rest of the pics,











Friday, September 28, 2007

Rush of a fall

Finally, I'm getting to write a real post.

First off, I think I know what you're talking about, Chels, but didn't you see enough idiot guys in high school? Come on, they were friggin' everywhere! Will Evans, Will Kinash, Parveen, KEVIN LAU!!!!! Compare Dan to Kevin Lau. Are you satisfied? Oh, and also in movies too (ie. American Pie, all that National Lampoon crap)

Chem is also my arch nemesis but we parted ways back in high school, so I win.

I got lectured by my mom about how I shouldn't swear. It was just absurd. This was in reference to the angry e-mail I had sent to my dad in response to his comments about how if I focused my time on other things, I wouldn't have to think about sex, which doesn't make sense at all, really. And I only swore a total of 3 times, and it wasn't like "F- you" or anything like that. I was using it as an adjective, like "f-ing stupid", and not describing my dad or anything at all. In short, I did not swear at my dad, I just swore because I was extremely angry and I swear very seldom. Lily swears more than me! So, my mom lectured me about that for a bit, and then we talked about the e-mail I sent to my dad, how she thought it wasn't "appropriate" because I shouldn't never, under any circumstances, be angry or yell at my parents. And get this; my mom tells me that I shouldn't even yell at a random stranger, even if he/she is pissing me off. The only people I can mouth off to are... your own kids! Which makes perfect sense, considering how my mom used to yell at us really loudly and angrily when I was younger about little issues. I just could not believe her when she said that. It was just... surreal. I don't understand why anyone would want to raise their kids like that. It's just wrong.

Then, my mom told me that my dad's sick, which I already knew, and also that he's getting sicker because of me. Yeah, because of my words, my dad is now physically getting sick, according to my mom. She told me that I should apologize to him, to tell him that I didn't mean what I said and that I was just in a bad mood or whatever, but I was honestly not feeling a whole lot of sympathy towards him. I don't remember much from my childhood, even way less with him in it. I've never yelled at my dad before, never, and the one time that I finally get to express my feelings, I have to be sorry about it. Again, it just didn't seem right.

I have random memories that I keep, and a lot of them are very vivid. I can remember the time of day, the exact place I was, the little details. In this one memory of my dad, I had this stuffed reindeer I really really loved. One day, I couldn't find it, and I think i asked my dad if he knew where it was. He told me he took it from me, and that I wasn't going to get it back. I was so, so upset, that I offered him $10 for it, and he agreed, and I got it back. Is that screwed up? Looking back, I think wow.... wow. I must've been... 8? I don't remember my age. I think my dad took it away because he wanted me to grow up.

My dad is upset that I'm his only son. My mom further elaborated for me on this: my grandma (on my dad's side) had... 4 sons, I think. My dad had me. One of my uncles has 2 daughters, and my other two don't have any right now. So I'm actually the only son in the family. And I told my dad that because he believes being gay doesn't run in the family and won't even try to look at me the way I want to been seen, then maybe it's good I don't carry on such an bigoted, intolerant name. That was a really harsh thing to say, I know, but it's true.

My dad won't even try to change his beliefs. And he told me that too.

Anyway, enough about him. Here's a poem I wrote for one of my classes, Style, which is like English class all over again. My favourite class, yay!!!! It's based on my dad, if you haven't guessed.

You will never know these words

By: Aaron Chan

You will never know these words.

I know you by an empty seat.

I seem to have misplaced any memory of us,

Or perhaps they were carelessly bleached out.

When your shadow creeps over me,

I feel a familiar fear settling in.

I learn not to question because then I doubt,

And people don’t like to be doubted.

If something is not right, there is always room under the ever-growing, black rug.

You’ve always expected the perfect life,

And when that doesn’t come about, you say it goes against tradition,

That people are stamped with “sick”

If they aren’t measured right down to the dot.

You’ve laid out the tracks for me,

Expecting me to chug along without the slightest of a whistle.

I would rather derail and flush into a fury of fire.

I am told that wounds heal,

But these raw scars run deeper than the deepest of trenches.

Your rusted words have come too late

And it only adds a tangled knot to your string.

Your face still sags when you see me walking your way,

And though you try to hide it, your eyes whisper,

“You disappoint me.”

I may share your blood but you still find a way to hate me.

Hypocritical.

Bigoted.

Ignorant.

Apathetic.

Oppressive.

You will never know these words.


This is the... third draft of this poem. We worked on it in class, which was really fun. I hope it's alright. Feedback is always welcome.

I started writing a song about my dad today. it's based on that story about the stuffed animal thing.

Joanne: Still in love with "It's Britney bitch"?

Ann: You still haven't answered my question... have you received any more advances from your Pizza Hut co-workers?

Lily: Oh Lily... go do some volunteering and you won't have to think about sex.

Chels: Next weekend is alright, as far as things go, but things are already so crazy, and it might change, but I have next weekend down for you guys.

I have a crush on this guy at school. He's from Surrey, which is really cool because everyone else (yes, EVERYONE... except for one other guy) is from elsewhere, which I've previously mentioned. But he's really, really... cute, haha. And I'm pretty sure most people know I'm gay, or at least half the class does. It's really cool because I'm so used to be scared and censoring my thoughts on certain things, but I feel somewhat comfortable with saying things at school.

Congratulations to those who have read up to here. You are Team #1.

~~Aaron

PS. Magic hat!
PPS. I have no idea what that means. I'm as crazy as Ann.
okay if joanne hasn't already told you, Parveen (the guy that gave ann that licoric that i still laugh about-and am still laughing as i type this) is in PHARMACY AT UBC.
HOLY CRAP.
I'm not surprised despite the HOLY CRAP part. Ah ha the licoric (sp?)
midterms coming.
good luck yall

lily

oh boy

so, i don't know if this is just a guy thing (in general) or what, but it seems a bit immature. i know (for sure, as in: don't simply suspect or have a slight inclination) of two guys who hang out with girls a lot (every night, a lot. not once a month, a lot), maybe has sex with her sometimes... and he'll deny having a girlfriend. i think it's weird. one guy won't even be seen in public with the girl because she's "ugly".

how can you do that?

hmm...

i know this is going to sound bad... and this has nothing to do with the previous paragraph whatsoever, but i don't know if i can ever just stay with dan. i mean, just stay. i feel like i'm missing out on so much... i don't know. i know he's a good guy, but i need to feeeeel like it too. as in, hang out with lots of other guys till i see how stupid they are and how good dan is in comparison. any suggestions? hahaha.

guys, (ann, jo, somewhat but kinda not really aarie) make sure your first boyfriend sucks so that when you meet your second and he's nice, then you'll love him forever. *frowns*

*jealous*

ach

so... i really need to learn to not fall asleep as soon as i get home. waking up at 6am every morning to make up for that time is a bit aggravating.

SO MUCH CHEMISTRY HOLY CRAP. arggg.g.g.g.g.g.g.g.g.

who's up for hanging out next weekend (not this one... i'm pretty booked)?

-chels
ps- chem is my arch nemesis

Sunday, September 23, 2007

it's been so long

since i've made a post, it took me several tries to get the email address right (though i got the pword right first try!)

anyways, sorry. i read the blog pretty frequently... just feel like i have nothing to say a lot of the time.

hmm... now what to say...

well, i'm excited for tomorrow.

and umm... yesterday was my first non-closing bakery shift. i got to decorate/ice cakes, which was fun :) and uh... hmm... the rest was okay. one was a barbie cake and it was soooooo pink it was gross. i just followed the picture example though!

i think that's all for now. see you guys tomorrow!!!

-chels

Friday, September 21, 2007

I think Joanne will love this vid: (the ending is great)




I'll post a real post later.

~~Aaron


Thursday, September 20, 2007

Ananana le en retarde banana, if we're meeting on Monday, can we not do anything too "physical"? (as disturbing as that sounds....) On Monday, I have school for 7 hours straight (plus a quiz) so I'll be extremely tired after school. I wanna see the ring you got..

here's the plan

kay then...i'm thinking of skipping class on mon: 1. everyone's done at 4-ish and because i end at 730, we can't do anything till then.. 2. it's econ.

so yeah, i'm not sure what i want to do with you guys (he he he) but i want to do some sort of activity (kareoke, lazer tag??) at night. maybe i'll rent some movies or smthg (as lame as that sounds) and order some food for the day time..too bad i'm older than most of you, or else we could go for drinks. yeah, so i'm thinking chels, lily can come in the day time right? (correct me if i'm wrong) and joanne, aaron, dan can come later. we can leave my house when everyone gets here so i don't have to carry a bunch of presents (or i'm hoping there's a bunch of presents for me to carry)

yup, that's basically what's gonna happen on the 24th. i'll call all of you after i get home today.

ps, if you can think of something you'd rather do (than kareoke or lazer tag) then let me know

pps. today i was trying on a ring and it got totally stuck on my finger, it literally would not move..so i had to buy it :( it wasn't too expansive or anything but i wouldn't have bought it if it wasn't stuck...so a word of caution: make sure your finger isn't too fat before you try on rings :(

ann
hey yall+
i can hang out on monday but i'd rather not stay too late...+
maybe from 1- 5-ish or something+
lily

Mojojojo Gimme gimme more!

Wth Ann Wang, you have school until 7:30?! That is messed up =|.
On the 24th, I have school until 5PM so I am available to do fun things with you after that.
I have both the songs "Gimme gimme more" and "Omio babbino caro" stuck in my head! Is this humanly possible?!*#(**!#&(*#hUHAFD
Nothing interesting happening for me this week.. Oh, I just saw my friend's brother and damn he was hot. =D

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Pieces

I bought an agenda because I really needed one at the time and I was feeling stupid and lost without one, which is pretty sad if you think about it, so I just went on impulse and got one. Besides, I don't know when we could've arranged a time to meet and do stuff.

Speaking of doing stuff, I have school on Monday until 4:00, but after that I should be good to go. We're meeting at your house, right Ann? Do you have any fun things in store or are you going to wing it?

Fools like me
How we love blindly
And the cracks don't count
It's gotta break in front of me

Lyrics to a new Vanessa Carlton song. It's called "fools like me" and it's really good.

I really like one of my classes in particular, Style. It's basically English class all over again. It's the only class where we've actually written stuff. We did peer reviewing of people's poems and it was interesting because a lot of the students there are skeptical when it comes to poetry. The two poems I read today were narrative (read like stories) so it was different. And because I've done so much poetry in my life and went to workshops and things, I felt really comfortable, even if the poem was a really sad/angry one about my dad. I'll post it later, after I edit it and make my second draft.

I have to go and read stuff for school.

I want to write an angry song.

~~Aaron

Sunday, September 16, 2007

ann's post

okay, it seems like the 23rd is not good for chels. so i think i wanna do something on the 24th (monday, my real bithday! :) ) i have school i think from 5:30 to 7:30, you guys can come to my house before hand and we also can do something after, sound good? we can also do some non-birthday related stuff on sunday (board game night?) since everyone is free (cept chels)...unless lily was planning to spend some quality time with her jump rope..btw lily, i can't go on weds to pg cause of my schedule (but you might not read this part seeing as you only read the first 3 sentences of posts...lily smells)

anyway, how's vista working out for you joanne? i heard it's pretty buggy right now...hope your computer doesn't end up in the shop again any time soon.

aaron why did you buy an agenda??? i'm sure any one of us (chels, lily, joanne, me) could have gotten you one, and it would have costed you way less...

ps. if you guys prefer the 23rd, i'll just do some birthday stuff on both days

ann

Friday, September 14, 2007

hi
ann,
we're going to visit pg on wed so i (lily) will call you (wang ann) on wed after class which is 1.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

hey guys
do you want to go visit pg this coming monday?Aaron i know you can't because of school and joanne i don't know your timetable so i can't say but ANN and CHELSEA ;). We should go...well i want to go so if you guys are up for it then call me. Well i'll call you just in case later on.

Sorry about the agenda thing aaron...i didn't know my brother didn't have one but at least you bought one already or else i would have felt very bad....

Kevin Lau can be quite the bitch. I'm not taking chem 233 or chem 235-lab this term. So really i could have just dropped the courses without even telling kevin because kevin wasn't in 235...not even the waiting list.

But he was complaining about how he's hopeless and blah blah (weird kevin snort which he doesn't do).
Anyways so i told him that when i deregister, he can register to take my spot. BTW he kept on calling me and harassing me about when i was going to do it-i was at nandos using my coupons. So eventually i went back to jon's house and had access to a comp.

So we switched. He was now on the waiting list of chem 235 which he wasn't on before. I told him that the reason why i'm doing this is because i want to let you know (as lame as it sounds) that miracle can happen as long as you maintain a postive attitude and such. He said thanks.l

So now, he got into chem 235 yesterday or something and when i found out (it was on his msn name) i told him that he should buy my lunch on facebook.

Not knowing what he had written in response, i saw him today in my bio class. I said "hey kevin you owe me lunch for helping you get into chem 235" and he said "well you didn't help me"...

okay...

1.if you know me well, you know i don't really care if you buy me anything. i might say it but really i could care less. the main thing tha tbother me was that he didn't even recognize what i had done for him (which might not have been a lot but still)...

When i tell aaron to buy me anything and he does (sometimes...on very special occasions or something) i'm ecstatic because I NEVER EXPECT IT.

Anyways, when i came home to check my facebook he wrote "i will BYE you lunch" or some stupid-only-kevin-lau-can-think-of comment...but he said BYE instead of buy...it alluded to him not doing it in a very dumbass sort of way.

Seriously...he could have just laughed or whatever..instead he said some dumbass comment which makes him look like a bitch...

Sigh Kevin Lau...maybe god be with you, you JACKASS!

I haven't ranted in a long time.. :D

<3 Lily

Monday, September 10, 2007

Gimme gimme... more

250 GB?!?!?! WHAT?!?!?! Damn you, Joanne!

Well, I got an agenda at Grand and Toy for $16. it's so stupid... I remember the good old times when we were in high school and we didn't have to pay for things like friggin' agendas!

Here's my schedule:

Monday - Thursday: 9:00 - 4:00

It's generally those times. Sometimes I have class that ends at 3:00 or starts at 10:00, but that's only one class, and it only happens once at week. So, that leaves Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off for me, but I still teach piano on Saturdays at 3:00-ish, though I've been known to change the time.

Blorb. I don't think I'm making a lot of friends, per se, but just people that I nod at when I see them in the lobby or if I'm walking past them.

I saw Kevin Lau the other day! And he wasn't wearing a turtleneck either!!!! I didn't recognize him because he had some normal-ish looking clothes and sunglasses. But he is still exactly the same, yeah.

Ann, yeah, I should be available on the 23rd. I would be giving up volunteering for the AIDS Walk, but then again, waking up at 7:30 in the morning on a Sunday doesn't sound fun. You better have some funky things planned, that's all i gotta say!!!

Ka-cha!
~~Aaron

Yay Vista!!

FINALLY I got my computer back from future shop!! Now I have 250GB and Windows Vista upgrade Mwhahaha~! Wow, our 300's post reminds me of the movie 300.. (which coincidentally is turned on right now..) I totally embrassed myself during my Bio tutorial today.. I don't know if your TA made you do this but we had to each come up to the black board and draw one cell structure.. When it was my turn, I don't know why, my brain just completely stopped functioning (I think I was nervous..) Plus, ALL of the major organelles had been labeled already so I kinda stood there for a long long time until I finally labeled the cytoplasm (so lame..) So embrassing ._. I still get mortified just thinking about it.. But I have a really good prof for organic chem so that makes up for everything =)
Anness, I am very available on the 23rd!! Oh and thanks to you, I had a dream that EVERYONE was on scooters (including myself..) I remember feeling very embrassed and happy at the same time.. Yeah I know my dream makes no sense. On Thursday I have my interview for the hospital volunteer position.. I'm so nervous. I suck at interviews T_T But anyways.. Wow. I think I'm meeting more people in 2nd year than I did last year. Is that the general trend for everyone else? Anyways, still considering whether I should continue taking philosophy or drop it.. It's a weird course. I don't have school on Tuesdays.
Monday breaks: 11-12, 1-2
Wed breaks: 1-2
Friday: 11-12, 1-2
Good luck with school everyone!!

HI--e---e-i-i-i-

Hey yall

my schedule is as follows:

m,w,f- 8-1 with a break from 10-11
tuesday-8-12 with a break from 9:30-10
thursday-8-12:30 no breaks

I just ate 3/4 of a bag of ketchup chips...don't look at me that way!!!

I'm doing bio and trying to recognize the difference between something round versus something else round...
yah!

Ann go do your work!

I want foooooodo :(

lily

wow 300 something already??

seems like yesterday when we hit 200...

sorry i haven't been reading up on the blogs, i hung out with you guys alot in the past couple weeks so i thought i was in the loop. but we really do say alot of things on the blog that we don't say to eachother in person..at least for me. just for the record, i personally wouldn't mind talking about feelings and such in person.

i agree to what chelsea said in her post about us being a support system for eachother.

as for the issue of my birthday...i think i want to have it on the 23rd (which also happens to be the first day of autumn!) cause the 24th is a monday. i have yet to think of an exciting activity but i'm sure it will come to me soon. so mark your calendars and whatnot, and tell me if you're available on that day asap!!

my weekly schedule is as follows:
mon: school from 530pm to 830pm (downtown)
tues: school from 530pm to 830pm (at burnaby)
wed: school from 130pm to 330 and from 530 to 720pm
thurs: 1030am to 620pm with a 6 hr break in between!! (that actually just occured to me as i was typing it out...now i'm sad.)
i don't have school on fridays but i have work from 530 to 930 fri and sat.

so yeah, still available for games night and such. i'm guessing i'll be the one to plan it since lily is busy studying and jump-roping (if thats what you call it)

yup,
Ann :)

Sunday, September 09, 2007

tummy aches

i ate a chips ahoy (soft one) and it made my tummy feel funny. so i ate another one just to check... same results. i used to eat these all the time... hmm... (they don't even taste very good)

aarie: when i saw your post about your dad today (i saw it before, of course, but i just saw it again now), it reminded me of michelle branch's song "goodbye to you" or whatever it's called. i miss that cd! (which i returned!!!)

ann: make birthday plans, now! you need to give me a definite or at least tentative date so i know when to uhh... y'know. do things. ahem. yep.

lily and jo: so... how's school so far for both of you? are you guys already stressed out? i don't think i have breaks with either of you :( (mon wed fri 11-12; tues thurs 11-2)

all: yes, aarie, good idea. i totally think we should have a bi-weekly or at least monthly get together. we just need to work things out together... i have a pretty much set schedule for work right now: sat and sun from 230 to 10pm.

i have school 5 days a week:
mon 10-1
tues 930-6
wed 10-1
thurs 930-6
fri 10-5

i think everyone should post their schedule so we kinda know ish when we're available. but that's just me... i guess i get it if you don't feel comfortable sharing your information with us... some of us can't be trusted!!! anyways, yeah. i just think it's easier if we all just post so we all know when we can do stuff. fridays are good for me (though i know ann works then :( )

-chels
ps- aarie. we need to have a talk... ack!

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Agenda woes

I spent a little bit of time looking for a stupid agenda a couple days ago and the ones at Staples were all super-sophisticated and quite expensive, so i just bought a little notebook and attempted to make it into an agenda by writing the date and homework and stuff... how did Karen get her hands on two?!?!?! If I somehow find her and suck up to her, do you think I could get one? Believe it or not, I actually have a bit of homework for each class, not to mention lots of things to do for this upcoming weekend. But I like my days being filled. It's crazy, but I like it because it gives me the illusion that I have a life.

I know what you mean Lily, but only after reading all of it. I mean, yeah, but stuff is somewhat amatuer-ish because it's not a fully produced demo (ie. multi-instruments, on pitch singing, etc.) but i think it's a glimpse of what I could do, you know? Anyway, I downloaded this program on my laptop and I'm going to try recording some new songs on it again. Hopefully it will work out this time.

I told my story about my dad (my previous post) to my class today. It was for Pitch class, so we had to pitch a story about our experiences, and I chose to pitch that one, which meant I had to tell ppl I'm gay, which isn't a problem for me anymore. It used to be, but not anymore. Anyway, I don't people were really shocked by it or anything, not that i was trying to shock them, but they were all supportive, which was really cool. Also, I realized that most of the time, I had been staring down-ishwards. When you see people talk you make note of what to do/what not to do, but when it comes to you, you tend to forget all of it and say things how you usually say. I don't know... maybe?

Are we still doing things together? (ie. Sunday game nights)

~~Aaron

Hey Y'all

Hey everyone,
I hope you're all doing well in school and by that i mean have stayed on top of things.
Johnny and i have a special song called "i just want to be your everything" which is produced by andy gibb but the version i like is the one sung by a group called the mcauley boys.
Jon ordered the cd sometime in july but he received it in september.
Anyways, the cover of it and even some of the songs are quite amateur if i can even say that.
It reminded me of aaron...(no offense).
But this made me think of how in the future you can produce a cd just like this and yea...this is meant to be a compliment-ish but it doesn`t sound like one but it is! :D

So how`s everyone doing?
I hope you're all well.
Chels, karen got me an extra agenda so when i meet up with her, i can get dan that extra agenda.

tootles!
Lily

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

post #300!!! i'd like to dedicate this one to aarie

- i know it's hard
- no, i don't know what it's like (obviously)
- i do know what it's like to not be the most favoured child (yes, no matter what parents say, they do, in fact, often have a favourite child) and to have to defend my views and choices (in your case, coming out, i suppose, was your choice) just because my parents don't see the value of them.

sometimes you feel like no one in the world supports you, understands you... and maybe no one does. but the thing is, your family is (or at least should be, damn it) only interested in what's good for you: what will benefit you, make you happy. maybe your dad doesn't see how being gay is good, so he just wants you to not be. y'know? sometimes this happens (conflict, i mean), and it sucks. but you need to trust that you did what was really best for you. after all, you're the one who, ultimately, has to live with the realities of that decision, non?


maybe you didn't choose to be gay, but at least you chose to come out, right? well, you made that decision and these are the consequences. now you need to trust that this was the right choice and that this is what you want... this is the lesser of two evils, at the very least... and acknowledge that there are people who will say you screwed up, but that there are still people who really care about you and not only tolerate, but like... i don't know, appreciate your gayness... y'know? i mean, i'd like to think we'd still be friends even if you were straight... but because you're gay, we like it better that way :P

family is good when they're there for you. if you have a supportive family, good; i'm happy for you. if you don't, you really do have all of us (i think this is a fair assumption...) as a support system.

sorry if i'm making it sound like you made the wrong decision by coming out (it's kind of looking like it to me when i read it...). i really didn't mean that or mean to imply that. i just meant that sometimes when you make a really big decision ("you" as in "one," not "you, aaron") that was well thought out and really hard to make, and expect those closest of you to accept them, they disappoint you; they make you second guess yourself. i really think, in this case, you did what was best for you, aarie. maybe not easiest, but best. and if you still think that you did what was right even now, years after your initial coming out, then i think it's safe to say you did the "right" thing. the right thing for you, at least. (i mean, as opposed to the best decision for your dad's comfort or something)

-chels

ps- i think the chans can last a teensy bit longer without your potential offspring... though they're probably missing out. (the chan's are missing out on your genes, i mean. i think.)
pps- hope this helps. don't be sad, okay? keep busy. call me if you need to. if i don't get your call i'll call you back.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Goodbye, father

I made my dad cry.


I just got off the phone with him. He talked to my mom for a bit, and then I talked to him. He wanted to tell me some things, regarding the "choices" I've made. He talked about my choice to go to film school, and how difficult it was to find a good job in the industry; he mentioned how I had said I was bored at school for the first week, but that was only because the teachers were reading out course outlines, and I obviously don't really want to hear about it.

Then he told me about the "choice" I had made to be gay, that it was a preference. He wanted to warn me of 2 things associated with being gay:

1) I could get beaten up and killed if certain people found out who I am (which I already know)

2) I could get STD's for being gay. That's stupid, because STD's does not just target gay people, and besides, I'm not even in a relationship with anyone. I know well enough to do things safely... I volunteer at frickin' YouthCo AIDS Society!!!

So I sat there and listened to all of this; my own father saying that he was disappointed (yes, he said disappointed) that I was gay, or what I translated as, "I'm disappointed that you are who you are."

Then, he asked if I had anything to say, which I was burning to address. I didn't yell at him, no, I just pointed some things out, such as the fact that I believe sexual orientation is NOT a choice, nor a preference, that i did not choose to be this way. I told him what i thought of him: that it's great he's supporting me financially through school, but personally in my life, he's never been there, and now he's calling to tell me how I made these "choices" in my life, and hearing "Oh, when you were younger, we tried to tell you what to do but... you just wouldn't listen". And to hear from my own father that he's disappointed about "what I've become"... it's hard.

So he asked what I want from him. I told him this:

"I just want you to support me, in my choices, in my life. I want you to support me for being gay. I just want you to be happy that I'm happy."

And then, he said that in Chinese culture, being gay is not heard of, it basically doesn't exist, and it isn't supported.

"So to hear that my son is gay, why would I support that?"

I started tearing up after he said that because it was like a slap in the face, but I did not start crying, because I'm stronger than that. He continued, saying that he was brought up te "traditional Chinese way", that people like him are conservative, and beliefs like those are difficult to change or cast aside. I asked him, "can't you even try? For me?"

He told me that it's hard, and he doesn't want to "hurt himself". "How are you hurting yourself?!" I asked.

He proceeded to inform me yet again about the Chinese belief with the son in the family. The son carries on the family name when he goes and gets married and makes babies with a girl, and the cycle continues. He said that in my case, I won't be able to carry on the family name, "Chan", that it will basically die because of my "choice" to be gay. This is when he started to cry.

I told him that there were other options, like adoption. He replied, saying adoption isn't the "chinese way", which is highly ironic, because one of my aunts has adopted 2 girls and she's a friggin' bank manager. He said it wasn't the same, and I see his point. I disagree, but I see his point. For this reason, he said that he will now see me less, partly because I have a life now (well, sort of) and partly because everytime he sees me, he's reminded about how I've disappointed him.

We're just two different people. I told my mom what happened and she told me to look at his point of view, (which I did!!!!) but the thing is, my dad should be the one walking in my shoes.

Surprisingly (or not), I feel alright. I'm a little upset that my dad feels this way, but as sadistic as this sounds, it was my dad who broke, not me, and I revel in that.

It was a little awkward at times, but I held onto what I believe in, and I won't break down, for anyone. I know this is long, but the convo was long and I have things to say, so yeah.

You guys are so lucky you don't have to go through these chats. I envy you for that.

~~Aaron

Monday, September 03, 2007

Ugh I don't feel like going back to school.. Good thing I only have a lab on Tuesday.. Um, don'thave much to say at this point except I really want my desktop back (Stupid future shop!!). Oh, and I just started reading a book about why each continent has a different history/culture from one another.

Lily, do you still have the Psyc textbook? I haven't been able to confirm whether I will buy it from you yet because Psyc 102 is only offered in 2nd term and UBC has only posted the textbook listing for the 1st term..

Chels, which section are you in for Bio 200 tutorial?? I'm scared. =( How long were your parents gone for? I was so sick of eating my own food after a week of my mom's absence..

Aaron, I hope you didn't get lost trying to find the UBC bus loop! Your trip to Coquitlam sounds terrifying.. It IS a sketchy-looking place though.

Ann, anything interesting happening amongst your sims? Have you found any Sims downloads to make them look hotter?

ello my friends

this is lily incase i forget to sign off.
Well school is tomorrow..woo hoo -.-
i changed the blinds in my room to curtains yesterday and built my wobbly ikea table...woo hoo
i'm close to cleaning up my rooom when 5 stacked white shelves tumbled to the floor while i was trying to fall asleep. great.
back to square one.

ann have you checked your psych book yet? i need nairne 3rd please. thanks
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have a good first day yall!