I don't know if it's just me, but i find it hard to be happy.
Maybe it has sometime to do with my family which i'm sure it does, or maybe my disappointment in school or maybe the fact that i despise going home but everything just seems to get gloomier by the minute. i don't know why. it's not like i don't try to be more optimistic but when i TRY to be optimistic, it's just a cover to hid all the flaws and postpone my imminent sadness.
I try to be more proactive because i don't feel like i've achieved enough but still, it's not enough.

i don't know what to do.
I have jon and he is the only thing that makes me happy but that's it.
I try harder in school when i'm not satisfied with my marks but that ounce of achievement, for working harder, is immediately stolen from me by my over achieving brother who asks about my marks every single time i see him.

Sigh.