I is for Infinitesimal

And I thought 2 weeks and 5 days was short.

Conor came over to my house to hang out today because we were both kinda bored. We just sat around my room, listening to my awesome music and talking about stuff, and I noticed that he was even more affectionate than usual, and seemed pretty happy to see me. He mentioned something about being in a relationship together which kinda threw me back because I had thought all this time that we were still "testing the waters" (or "casually dating") but nothing official was called. And then he established that we officially were in a relationship last Sunday, on my birthday party, which sort off took me by surprise again.

So one thing lead to another and we were fooling around once again. After, I felt kinda guilty for some reason, and I guess I realized it was because I could see that he really liked me, but that I don't like him that way back. I mean, he's a cool guy to hang out with but I still don't feel romantically about him, and that makes me feel even worse. I told him a little bit about this while walking him to the bus stop later that night, that I thought he was maybe a little too young and how we were going too fast (because when we meet, we fool around and do stupid things). Don't get me wrong about the age thing; his age doesn't bother me, it's the things about being 15 that bother me (ie. level of maturity). So we talked a bit more, and we didn't know what to do. When I suggested we take a break, he agreed. So I guess we're on a break now.

When I think about Conor, I can totally see him being a smart, mature, adult in the future, but right now, I don't know if he's right for me. It's not really a win-win situation, but I'm thinking about calling it off with Conor. Or we could just stay on our break and never get back together. And we proved we could still be friends, so it wouldn't be that much different.

Sigh... I hate boy troubles. I honestly thought I'd be better at relationships, but the two that I've been in so far haven't lasted very long... haha.

~~Aaron