LILY AND I GOT INTO PHARMACY YOU GUYS.
HAHAHA HASTALA VISTA RAMEY YOUJERK.

hey joanne
i hope you feel better.
why don't you call me tomorrow and let me know if you're going to come. But i really do hope you get better.
Take care and get enough rest.

Hey guys,

I'm not sure if I can go clubbing tomorrow. I've been having a migraine since yesterday.

hey guys
so i was thinking of everyone meeting at my apartment at 8:15 so we can be major losers and arrive there when the door opens.
Joanne call me so i can give you my address cause i don't want to really type it.
have a good today!

aarie's place

hi guys,

just to prewarn anyone who cares, i won't get there before 5:30. which is fine, but i'm just letting you know so you're not like ahhhh where is she??? i can probably get there right at 5:45 if i can catch the skytrain and the right bus. but yeah, it will be good to get together since we haven't all met as a group for quite a while!

i don't know if i will bring any games. i can only think of jenga, and i'd need to bring that to SFU harbour centre :| (what if someone steals it?! *frowns*)

in other news (i kind of forgot until just now... i was like, hmm... what's new? nothing... wait... kind of thinking of something..!), yesterday was dan/my two and a half year since officially dating anniversary. i actually probably wouldn't have noticed if dan hadn't reminded me and written it on his giant calendar. i don't know... it just doesn't seem like a big deal like our first month, 6 month, etc were. but yeah, he came over and we made bagels (they were comme-ci comme-Ça) and he brought a pie from aphrodite's pie shop (we had heard of it before and i have wanted to try their organic pies for months! seriously! but you have to pre-order the pies and they're like, $20 each) and we went to see the sex and the city movie (pretty good if you like the show).

yeah that about sums it up.

wow i'm feeling really sleepy even though i just woke up an hour-ish ago. if i'm feeling cranky after volunteering, should i still come? is it bad if i fall asleep at aaron's house? i don't actually know if i will wake up by then or what, but just in case...

oh yeah, aarie, why are we the model couple? just because we've been together a relatively long time? :P

oooh! hahaha so funny, i always forget when "things" happen so i never feel like i have anything to say. i guess, though, i should mention that the day before yesterday, i cut dan's hair (which i had done once before) and the "deal" was that i would cut his hair and he would cut mine (i thought it would be fun). so i cut his hair first, and it's pretty short (compared to his usual hair) but i think it's good. then he was going to cut mine but his mom came home and was like "what?! don't let him do it!" and went on to tell us how she had never cut long hair before. she seemed pretty excited so dan let her take over. so yeah. just so you guys know.

see you guys soon (i think) :)

-chels

:D joanne

we're meeting at aaron's tonight at 5-ish.
i won't be bringing any games cause i'm first going to jon's g-parent's house.
my eyes are burning :(

WOOT GOOD JOB TO BOTH OF US.
Now the waiting begins..

apparently there was one question that everyone choked on.. I wonder what it was.

Good luck to both of us!!!

hey guys
tomorrow is me and jonane's big day
wish us both good luck

see you guys soon!!

Green and gold mountains

Dear Chels,

It sounds like you do have quite a "conundrum" as you put it. Here's my bit of relationship advice.

I do agree with what Lily said, in terms of people not being perfect and how there are bound to be things that bug him about you. With that said, it does seem like his mini rants of small issues (ie. stupid person on the bus) are part of the whole Dan package. When you talked to him about this, did you suggest a solution? It seems like you would like for him to not get annoyed so easily at such occurrences, am I right?

In terms of relationship stuff, I don't know about everyone else, but I can definitely tell he really likes you a lot. Whether or not anyone will love you the same way... there may or may not be another person who can do that, who knows. You're my favourite Chels and any guy would be lucky to have you.

Did your talk go over well? Is he going to try and improve on the things you told him about? I really hope you two work things out because you are like, the model couple for the rest of us (at least for me, anyway).

In other news, so we've planned to meet at my place on Friday night for a games night, correct? I know Chels is volunteering until 5, so you guys can just drop by anytime after (or I guess, if you want, before) that.

See you guys then!

Aaron

Hey chels
I'm sorry you're in this dilemma.
Though I thought you were going to stay with him just so he wouldn't be in pain.
I hope he didn't cry,..i can't really picture it personally.
AND I WOULDN'T GIVE 3 THUMBS UP (shiver)...2 Yes but 3....-.- wiener.
I don't have any advice for you but a successful relationship requires compromise. I'm sure there is aomething Dan doesn't like about you like maybe your pep or your naive optimism but he puts up with it. So see how you can compromise and see what more you can do to make it work.
Once you've done that and you still aren't satisfied, well at least you tried right.
(This post sounds like i'm telling you to talk to him which i know you've done but i think it's more that just talking but understanding what TYPES of compromises Dan and you have done and appreciating them)

Anyways good luck in that.
I'll see you on Sat.

kill me too

i feel like we're growing up so fast. we're all so different --the five of us-- yet we've all got something in common. that's what's keeping us together, right? and i mean, don't get me wrong, i love how diverse we are and the many ways our own experiences have shaped (and continue to shape) us, but sometimes i feel like we've gone so far and changed so much from the way we used to be that it scares me. both as a group as well as individually, we've all obviously made decisions and been put into situations that have changed our lives more significantly that we notice...

if you guys can't tell yet, this is probably going to be a long post. sorry in advance...

aaron, that must have been incredibly hard to bear with the complications of going out with someone who really cared for you yet was unable/unwilling (however you want to look at the situation) to let anyone else know. but aaron, ultimately, you know you didn't want to live your life like that, right? i mean, you personally. and if that's what you want my fave aarie, you deserve it. you're a good guy, and if you treat your boys with a fraction of the goodness you do your friends, i'm sure you're a great boyfriend. kem must have it pretty hard for him to be so... stuck. and maybe one day he'll change his mind. maybe he won't. but the fact that he says he's not ready to come out yet... nor does he know if he ever will be, well... aaron, you're my friend, and in my eyes, you should have someone ready to declare his undying love for you on national, publicly broadcasted television, if that's what you want.

random note, lily and i got our chem marks and did super (well, lily more so but i'm happy, haha) :) oh yeah and we didn't get jackie :( because she was doing research. we had Dr. Lermer (he doesn't usually teach here though)

okay, back to mucky bleh relationship talk. you guys don't actually need to read this, just to let you know. i just have to unload some crap. i stop writing in a diary a while back, and with that, i lost a bit of myself. i know that sounds ridiculously, horribly, disgustingly cliche and stupid but i find clarity in writing. "blah blah blah, do i ever shut up?" my brain wonders...

so i had a long... ish talk with dan yesterday. i mean, it's not like we don't usually talk, it's just that we had a serious talk about our relationship, specifically. so just to get us on the same level and up to date, in case anyone has decided to keep reading and is somewhat not feeling in the loop with my boyfriend escapades (hahaha right), em dan and i have been going out for like, a thousand eons (almost two and a half years now) and he has been nothing but super. really. i have brought up taking a break a few times now but he has never felt that we needed one.

okay so we are all chels-dan relationship experts now. and as you may have guessed, yeah, i brought it up again yesterday. dan is a great guy and i know, god, do i ever know that my mom likes him, his family really likes me too, and i know, for the most part, my friends approve with two thumbs up (or lily, if you're reading this, think, three thumbs up). but... man, where to start. i don't even know. and it's not even him, really. it's just... me? us? i don't know. okay, just before i start, i should clarify that dan is without a doubt, the most loyal, wonderful guy i have ever met. our experiences/backgrounds are so similar it scares me (both our dad's work at ubc and are profs, our moms both went to BCIT, to give an example). we always "get" each other. we just fit so well, sometimes i feel like we're meant to be. corny, i know. sorry. just the very little romantic left in me trying to form a connection.

some things about him drive me insane. examples: pretty negative while i tend to be naively optimistic (consciously, however. i am aware of my stupid optimism.), and his short temper, and his wishy washy vagueness when it comes to planning for the future, and his unwillingness to just drop some stupid everyday shit that happens... you know when you need to just move on and not dwell on the small but bad stuff?

i am pretty used to cheering him up... but it's really hard to always be the pep squad. i mean, i have my bad days too... and i know it's not all about me, but what do i do when i need someone to make me feel better? i guess i kind of feel like it's just tough stuff for me and i have to get over it. but it's hard to constantly push aside the unpleasantness and slap on a smile. and when he gets worked up over little things like people on the bus not being courteous, etc, it really stresses me out. i just want everyone to be happy. really, that's all i want.

so i guess the conundrum that plagues me is, do i leave him for these shortcomings? no one is perfect, i know, but can i live the rest of my life like this? or do i forgive and just assume things will get better?

i have told him several times about these issues, so don't tell me to talk to him. he knows. and i know he tries not to... but the thing i wonder is, is that "just the way he is"? or is it an attitude that he can learn to drop?

i know he loves me a lot... i don't think anyone could ever love me more, to be honest. and i'm really lucky to have him... but is that enough? he's so close, though, that i can't imagine breaking up with him at this point... how could i cause so much pain to the one person i know really loves me?

god, i feel like such a horrible person.

no pressure to respond to any of this. i'm not sitting here typing going "those guys better solve all my problems..." it's good enough to know that someone other than dan cares.

-chels

Somewhere out there

Last night, I went to Broadway Station to meet up with Kem and then proceeded to go to Blenz to talk about stuff. I wouldn't say it was awkward, but there were a lot of silent moments in between our conversations, but eventually, I think we both said what we needed to say.

I told him how I felt that I was sort of going back into the closet by lying to his friends, his family, my mom, and not feeling sure whether or not they should even know that I'm gay. I told him that I've gotten so used to being called a "friend" and not being affectionate towards him in public that I now actually only feel like he is a friend, and not a boyfriend.

He told me that his reason for not coming out to his mom was because despite the fact that she's a big homophobe, she's supported him (both financially and him), gives him a place to stay, food, etc. and he feels that if he were to tell her, it would hurt her a lot. Because he's a really selfless person and always thinks of other people first, he's willing to keep who he really is a secret, to make her happy. But at the same time, he's not really happy about his situation. On one hand, I can understand his relationship with his mom, but how far will you go to risk your own happiness to serve others? When will it be about you? Do you really want to spend your life making others happy while making yourself sad/miserable/otherwise?

If his mom really does love him, she'll accept him (or at least learn in time) for who he is, right? I mean, I'm no Christian or anything (apparently, she's a big one) but there's all this talk about love, right?

In that case, he would never be able to hold a gay relationship. I put up, for lack of a better term, with it for four months. I think that's pretty good. I don't know who else would, I really don't. He could always go get a girlfriend, which would probably make his mom happy and squash any rumors or whatnot that he's possibly gay (which I told him), but he said he doesn't want that. So where does that leave him?

For me, there's only so much appeasing I'm willing to do. If eventually I don't like the situation I'm in, I'll do something about it--"rebel" if I have to. But I guess Kem's willing to live with that lie, possibly for the rest of his life.

He went on a little bit about how these past months have been a "waste of my (ie. me, Aaron, not him, Kem) time" and I disagreed. I may not have known it would end up like this, but I still made a really good friend, and that's never a waste of time.

We finished talking at about 1:00am. He hugged me on the skytrain station platform, and for once, didn't seem all that uncomfortable doing it in public.

So yeah. We're done.

~~Aaron

This means goodbye

I want to reply to what other people are saying, but this is what's on my mind right now.

I'm thinking of breaking up with Kem.

I've been thinking about it for a while, but didn't really mention because I thought it was something I could sort out. I didn't know if our personalities matched romantically, and the fact that our relationship was hard because of the fact that he's not out, he's busy, etc. which I've been more than patient with. Today really made me wonder it thoroughly though.

He was at my place not too long ago and I was flipping through Xtra West, which is the local gay newspaper. There was something about the Pride Parade this year, and I asked him if he was going, and he didn't really say anything, but just looked at me, which answered the question. At first, I sort of dismissed it as nothing, but wanted to know why he didn't want to go. (the font's different for this part because I typed it out somewhere else)

He believes that if he goes, his mom will know. She just knows he will be going to--of all the events going on in the city--the Pride Parade. And that would lead to a whole conversation of "You're gay!" even with his defences and saying otherwise, which I guess shows how much he doesn't want to even mention the word "gay" around his mom (apparently, she's a big fat Christian and big on the homophobia too).

I asked him what the worst thing that could happen would be. He sort of stared off and eventually told me he couldn't come up with an answer. I told him that lots and lots of straight people go to Pride, so it wouldn't necessarily mean that he (and other people) are gay.

He told me he didn't expect me to understand because he comes from a different background, culture, etc. I told him that I want to understand and wanted him to explain for me, but based on his lack of any kind of response, I didn't get that, and I was left with nothing but confusion and disappointment.

Despite the fact that the Pride Parade has been taken over by all these corporate floats or whatnot, the whole idea of being proud of who you are is behind this event. I can't remember his exact response, but he said something along the lines of not being proud of who he is. And I don't know how long I can deal with that.

In the end, it's his choice. I can't make him go, and I'm not going to. I'm just frustrated at his lack of taking a risk and having fear of his mother.


I also asked him (on MSN after he left) if he had ever considered coming out, to which he said no. He told me before that if he were to ever even remotely consider coming out, he would be in a different city and then phone home and say, "Hi mom. I'm gay." which is kind of a cop-out. So i asked him this:

"If you were to stay in Vancouver the rest of your life, does that mean you'd never come out?"

And he said, "Yes. As of now, yes."

So basically, if I stuck by him, I'd be known as the "friend", and that's stupid. I don't want that. I kind of want more acknowledgement than that.

And I don't want someone who's not willing to take any chance. If i told my mom that I was going to the Pride Parade and she thought, "That makes you gay! You're gay! You can't go!" and if I was in Kem's position of not wanting to come out yet, I'd say, "No, I'm not. I'm just going with some friends to hang out there. If you think that the only people who go there are gay, you're mistaken. You can't stop me from hanging out with my friends, and I'm going."

I saw this movie recently where an older guy tells a younger guy, "One day, you have to tell your father (or parents) to fuck off. Only then will they really respect you and leave you alone." And this his situation is like that.

I used to be all obedient and doing what my mom told me to do. But there are things I won't compromise for, and I try my best to let her know.

You only have one life. If you're going to lie through it, are you really going to be happy? Life's too short to just live in fear. I've learned that (or at least realize it now). For me, I just didn't want to go on with that lie of not telling people who I am, of lying to my friends and family about this part of me. I wouldn't have that.

So I don't know. It's going to be hard if I stay with him and hard to break up with him too.

Fuck. If I had to choose at this moment...

I'd do it. I'd call it quits.


~~Aaron

late night thoughts

so 'tis the night before The Final Exam. kind of happy, kind of sad; happy because i'm really exhausted and feel like it's a good time to rest but sad because... i don't know. i guess i just second guess myself a lot. i'm just scared of how badly i can screw things up. it's like, i know i have the ability and the power to do this and do it right... but having these opportunities just seems to give me more ways to fail.

sorry, i know that probably sounds really pessimistic, but i'm really not. not at all.

i guess what i'm trying to say is that i believe that there are great opportunities for me and i have a chance to do something i could really love... but then because i want it so much, it scares me how easily i could not have it. and i know nothing comes easy... that's why i have my doubts.

anyways, joanne, that's really really cool in a slightly gross biological way. now if you're ever at a bar or something, you have the ultimate ice breaker... "so yeah... last summer i cut an umbilical cord..." not that i know all the tricks and trades of the bars or anything.

hmm... what else to say? don't know. kind of down. going to volunteer tomorrow for this research thing at sfu harbour centre.

oh yeah lily, what time are we going to swangard (sp)? you and jon are running at 12pm sat and you and i are running at 6pm sat. i think, if i read the schedule correctly.

can't wait till you get back, joanne, and lily and i are done class! yay!

-chels :)

well joanne i do hope that we both can get in...but i'm not going to wait for luck...i started practicing with jon and really, it was very embarassing especially when he gives you the "wtf!" look..lol
my brother gave me that a few times already but too bad he's not here to help me. He's in china right now.
but you better start practicing.
i'm going back to chem 233 now.

Haha, the labor certainly was not a pretty sight.  Surprisingly, I wasn't squirmish at the blood and the placenta.  It's a sign I've been watching too many medical shows -_-

Apparently the baby has to latch onto the mother's nipple within the first hour of birth for the breast-feeding to be successful.  (( excuse me if I find myself blabbering on and on about childbirth this summer.. I can't help it XD))

I have a feeling we're going to have the same interviewers!  I really hope we both get into pharmacy this year.  You'll do so well on the interview since you already know the questions from last year.  Which chem course are you taking now? 233?  Do you have Jackie by any chance?  A lot of my friends are taking biochem right now.  Bio 201= yuck.

hey joanne wow that's pretty crazy
if my sister was in that position she'd probably tell me to f*** off...haha i don't think anyone wants me to cut their umbilical cord..of course i don't think i'd want to.
Anyways my interview is right after your's. It's at 10 :D
must study for chem now
bye

Just got my interview time!  June 26th 9:30.

I'll be in Vancouver on the 17th I think..  I'll see you guys soon!

A funny story Aaron? Share with us! =D

I have one: google "find chuck norris" and click on "I'm feeling lucky."  ((I'm still laughing over this..))

My aunt gave birth to a healthy baby boy yesterday at 3:21AM! !   I was there with her during the whole birthing process.  Has any of you experienced this before with your family member?  It was an eye opener for me, definitely.  I've never seen someone in so much pain in my life.  Good for her for not choosing the epidural though.  The baby was so cute and tiny!!  ((Kinda looked like E.T.  too but I couldn't say that to my aunt..))  I got to cut the umbilical cord as well.  It felt kinda like cutting a soggy, bloody rubber band..  She says it felt like a frog was slipping out of her when the baby's shoulders came out.  Weird.  Then the nurses thought someone had taken the baby's placenta and I yelled "Tom Cruise!"  The nurses and the doc were so nice.  Kinda makes me want to become an OB/GYN.  

Good luck you guys with your finals!  If I get into pharmacy this year, I'm dropping physics in the summer -_-

The interview-time-arranging lady (what a lovely job..) hasn't sent us the interview schedules yet..  I signed up for the 26th.  I'm so scared right now..  I'm not sure what kind of questions they'll ask. >.<  They'll definitely ask "Why pharmacy?" and "Why should we accept you?"  Gotta prepare amazing answers for those questions..  Eeek, I've got to stay strong on my diet as well.  Apparently they take your picture at the interview.

Mortal kombat! (not really)

So next week will be my last week of term (wow... already). The week after that is an entire week of improv collaboration between us writers and actors from the acting department... each day runs from 9 - 5 for five days. The class was divided up into two groups; one of the groups will go in two weeks and the other will go in the second week of July (ie. in about a month). And fortunately, I'm in the second group, so I'll be getting that entire week (from the 23rd till the 27th) entirely off! Let's go do things, eh? I feel like lazer tagging some Lily!

Congratz on getting into co-op Joanne! After Chels and I questioning you on interview stuff, I knew you'd do well! Looks like we'll have to go through it again...

Kem got his wisdom teeth (all 4) pulled out on Monday and he's been getting weird gross blood clots and his cheeks all got swollen (i saw on his webcam). It's pretty ew... but he's getting through it.

Don't have much else to say. I have a funny story!

Aaron

post 667

hi guys,

long time no post! this default font is kind of weird... i swear it used to be different. anyways, lily and i have got our final exam this friday (the thirteenth, as lily pointed out to me earlier) -- almost done chem! yay! wish us luck..!

so yeah, joanne, i assume you're coming back to vancouver soon since you got an interview for pharmacy..? when's your interview/when will you be back? once our exam is over, we (as in, everyone!) should definitely do some hard core interview prepping with jo and lily! i can imagine it getting really intense...

i'm definitely ready for a break!!!

i don't really know what else to say. nothing too crazy happening over here. just studying lots and sleeping too. once class is over, though, i'm sure i will have lots of exciting stories to tell *rolls eyes*. but yeah, ummm... POST!

oh, but ann, if you didn't find out already, i heard on CBC Radio One that there was an outbreak of salmonella in the states (from large and roma tomatoes) and a lot of chain restaurants threw theirs out just in case (ie, pizza hut, mcdonald's, etc). just in case you were still wondering/if you care. oh yeah, and also a lot of people took fresh tomato items off their menus.

aaron, you still owe me one funny story!

lily, i will see you on thursday... i have some questions!!!

-chels

I heard that they ask you if you had someone tell you the interview questions beforehand..  Are you supposed to say "yes" to that?  It seems nearly impossible, to me, that anyone prepping for a pharmacy interview wouldn't have had the chance to ask someone who had already taken the interview for advice.  On the other hand, are they looking for people to say "no" to fill their hopes of finding a candidate who did pretty well on the interview, despite not having had any preparation for it?  Any advice would be appreciated~

thanks joanne
honestly, the only real advice i can give you is be confident, be sincere and know yourself well.

i find it difficult to talk about my own experiences but thta's something you need to learn :D
anyways good luck to you too.

Lily, you're going to get into Pharmacy this year for sure.  ((I was right about Chelsea getting into co-op so you can trust me on this!))

Good luck to both of us!  Hopefully the interviewers won't be too intimidating. 

hey joanne
congratz
the questions they asked last year were:
why do you want to be in pharmacy
I think your strengths and weakness (give 3)
give an example when you demonstrated flexibility...
um...
they don't have any situational questions anymore well at least i never got them..situational as in if A had a dying mother and didn't have money to pay for the medication would you steal..so forth.
go online to google the questions if you have time.

i'm going to be quite busy cause i have my chem final and interview to prep for too

P.S.  

I didn't mean like, tell me the exact questions word for word.  Just guide me on how one would prep for the interview & what style of q's they asked you.  Thanks!

Hey Lily, I'd really appreciate it if you can share what kind of Q's they asked you last year.   I'm really bad at interviews..  

HOLY CRAP I GOT INTO CO-OP <>_<>!!!

I can't believe it T_T!!

And I also got an interview from Pharmacy as well.

Guys, help me prepare for this interview!! Please!  So nervous right now don't know what to do..

Summer alright

Gah. I'm sick of doing work, so here I am, updating and stuff.

For this week, all the classes I have are afternoon classes, so I finish at 4:00. I'm busy on Monday and Tuesday, but the rest of the week I should be fine. What do you guys want to do? Wii party at Chels' place? (if that's okay with her) I guess you guys can come here if you want, too.

I always find myself alone in my house... kinda boring. I do have an internet friend from Florida coming to Vancouver for a couple days... she's one of the few real fans I have, hahahaha. I think I'm gonna be meeting her... that's kinda cool.

Oh, and here's the "Pin the Tale on the Eyore" thing that we did for my party... last year. Wow, it's been half a year.



See you guys soon!

~~Aaron