It's funny and weird how things can change suddenly.
I got an e-mail from one of my instructors with job listings which she usually forwards. So I took a look at it and came across an internship thingy in Los Angeles for some film/music public relations thing (I can't really say much because the listing didn't say much to begin with. There was something about "Please be an organized self-starter." Ehhh?). I sent them a cover letter and a resume and didn't think anything would really happen. I just didn't take it that seriously.
A few hours later, I'm at YouthCO, finishing up the second film when I get this out of town number. I answer it and of course, it's the people that I sent my stuff to. They wanted to schedule me for an interview next week on Tuesday, which I was kinda, "What?!" and really surprised at, but I scheduled it because I'm not really good with surprises like that. And now I'm looking at plane tickets and trying to find a place to stay.
Sigh... I don't know what I'm getting myself into. I don't know if I should go, or how long this internship might be or even if I'm going to get the friggin thing. Everything's changed all of a sudden, and it's kinda terrifying to think I'm going to be on my own for a bit. Not sure what to do or what this means for my Vancouver life. I should tell my mom.
The thought of leaving Vancouver behind is just... I didn't expect to leave so soon. I have no idea if this is even the right move for me. What if I hate it? I guess I could always come back. Los Angeles seems a bit sketchy to me, what with all the pollution and the gangs but also the whole Hollywood scene.
Should I even go? I still have priorities here that I'd like to finish up (my film, this other student project, teaching piano). Would it be bad if I backed out? Gah. I have no idea what to do.
~~Aaron
Monday, August 25, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
History starts now
It's okay if you can't make it, Chels. Why would I be mad? It's just grad. Good to know I have a place to stay if I ever do get kicked out of my house (IF. We shall see if I do...) It definitely sounds... inviting? Comforting.
Speaking of grad, here's some more info and stuff. It starts at 3:00pm, but the doors open at 2:45. It's being held at the Main Theatre at the school, located on 420 Homer Street (by Hastings) downtown. There's a side-ish door where all the other students in like to hang out and smoke or talk (not us writing students since we're in a different building) so they might be there if you get lost.
I think my mom and my sister are coming so whoever's coming (Lily, maybe Ann?) you can converse with them to make you feel less awkward for not knowing anyone. Did I already say that all of our short films will be screened again? I wonder what my mom will think about my film, hahaha. You'll see what I mean. I believe there is a sort of after-grad thing at Yaggers. I don't know if you'd be interested in going to that, Lily. It's a bar, with a backroom where people can socialize but the music can be a little loud sometimes. Apparently, I'm going because everyone else will be too.
Today was my last day of classes... ever. Well, at VFS anyway. Nothing special happened. It was just like any other day. There wasn't really a celebration. Someone brought in cookies the other day... but that's about it. I'm going to a class party tomorrow, but I don't know how many of us will show up. Her place is all the way out in North Van though and it's hell to try and get to because of the seabus (I haven't been there but North Van! Gah!)
OHHH! I just realized that Kem's also coming... and now that my mom knows about what happened between me and him, I hope it won't be awkward. Hahahaha. It's pretty funny to think about though.
See you Friday! Whoo. Grad!
~~Aaron
Speaking of grad, here's some more info and stuff. It starts at 3:00pm, but the doors open at 2:45. It's being held at the Main Theatre at the school, located on 420 Homer Street (by Hastings) downtown. There's a side-ish door where all the other students in like to hang out and smoke or talk (not us writing students since we're in a different building) so they might be there if you get lost.
I think my mom and my sister are coming so whoever's coming (Lily, maybe Ann?) you can converse with them to make you feel less awkward for not knowing anyone. Did I already say that all of our short films will be screened again? I wonder what my mom will think about my film, hahaha. You'll see what I mean. I believe there is a sort of after-grad thing at Yaggers. I don't know if you'd be interested in going to that, Lily. It's a bar, with a backroom where people can socialize but the music can be a little loud sometimes. Apparently, I'm going because everyone else will be too.
Today was my last day of classes... ever. Well, at VFS anyway. Nothing special happened. It was just like any other day. There wasn't really a celebration. Someone brought in cookies the other day... but that's about it. I'm going to a class party tomorrow, but I don't know how many of us will show up. Her place is all the way out in North Van though and it's hell to try and get to because of the seabus (I haven't been there but North Van! Gah!)
OHHH! I just realized that Kem's also coming... and now that my mom knows about what happened between me and him, I hope it won't be awkward. Hahahaha. It's pretty funny to think about though.
See you Friday! Whoo. Grad!
~~Aaron
IT'S EARLY!!!!!!!!!
Hey guys
I just woke up. I'm not feeling my driving exam cause i feel out of it. I think it's cause i just woke up.
FINE AARon, I'll go to your grad and sit all alone JUST FOR YOU! ANN are you able to come too? Aaron you need to give me the info of your grad. Will you be able to hang out afterwards? I want to watch spirited away. I found a link where i can watch it online but on a tv is Better. HAHA i'm such a loser. Chels, it's okay that you can't come. Yes school is starting soon. I still have a lot of little things to do. I feel like I"m getting sick cause lately i haven't been sleeping very much. I hope you do well on your exam too (and Eugene). Anyways, just a reminded, i won't be here from SUNDAY to TUESDAY! I'll be at harrison hot springs.
Note: Sorry, all the sentences are run-on ideas.
Yesterday was Jon's Dad's birthday. We went to Kobe which is a teppanki japanese restaurant. It was okay. Expensive but okay. Jon and I made him a carrot cake. It turned out mushy. It also looks really gross but taste-wise, it was okay. I don't understand how 2 university students could make such an ugly, mushy cake!!
Anyways see you later aaron. Chels gl with your coop thing. Ann are you back? (you should be!)
I just woke up. I'm not feeling my driving exam cause i feel out of it. I think it's cause i just woke up.
FINE AARon, I'll go to your grad and sit all alone JUST FOR YOU! ANN are you able to come too? Aaron you need to give me the info of your grad. Will you be able to hang out afterwards? I want to watch spirited away. I found a link where i can watch it online but on a tv is Better. HAHA i'm such a loser. Chels, it's okay that you can't come. Yes school is starting soon. I still have a lot of little things to do. I feel like I"m getting sick cause lately i haven't been sleeping very much. I hope you do well on your exam too (and Eugene). Anyways, just a reminded, i won't be here from SUNDAY to TUESDAY! I'll be at harrison hot springs.
Note: Sorry, all the sentences are run-on ideas.
Yesterday was Jon's Dad's birthday. We went to Kobe which is a teppanki japanese restaurant. It was okay. Expensive but okay. Jon and I made him a carrot cake. It turned out mushy. It also looks really gross but taste-wise, it was okay. I don't understand how 2 university students could make such an ugly, mushy cake!!
Anyways see you later aaron. Chels gl with your coop thing. Ann are you back? (you should be!)
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
so much for a break
hey guys,
so first of all, i have to say this one thing (somewhat directed more to lily and aaron because i told lily i could go already and because it directly involves aaron)... i actually can't go to aaron's grad. i'm really, truly sorry; i was really looking forward to it (i mean that) and i told lily i could go... but i forgot i have to volunteer for PURE (dan reminded me... darn him...)!!! poooooooooooooooooooooooooo...
so aside from that, i have an assignment for co-op due next monday (eek) and i've got "co-op bootcamp" next thursday... i can't believe school is already starting!!!
i really am so excited... but extremely nervous as well. part of me knows how invaluable this experience is, but i guess another part of me feels ill prepared and inadequate... and i know that this experience is going to make me dig deep and really get a good look at myself. which i guess is what i'm afraid of. i already know, obviously, that i'm not perfect. so not. but i feel like doing this is going to make me face my insecurities and weaknesses head on (you know, in order to deal with them). and i guess my worst fear is that i'll realize that i'm sooo much of a work in progress i won't be able to cope.
not that i'm backing down. i definitely think this is the right move for me. it's just so scary, y'know? i feel so alone and confused...
so about that course lily and i took; this is kind of random but i was talking to dan and he was saying how he was proud of me for working so hard and i really stopped to think about it and i realized that during the last 3-4 weeks of that course (ie, half to two thirds of the course) i had probably put more effort into that class than i had ever put into anything else in my life. which is sad, if you want to think of it that way. but the thing is, when i think about it, there really is so much that just came naturally to me, in my life. and i'm not trying to brag -- that's nothing to be proud of. who cares what you've got? it's about what you do and what you earn. and so for that course (we haven't gotten our marks back yet), i am actually content with my performance. i'm hoping for a great amazing mark (note the word, hoping) but i'm not nervous. i worked hard and so i know that no matter what i get, it's what i deserve. which kind of makes me feel good that i really did it.
wow so much to say... should i just stop here? bleh. well if you're tired of reading i guess my post can end here.
see you guys soon :)
chels
if you are interested in hearing more, i've got about three more things on my list..?
well yeah. i don't know if you guys or anyone, really would necessarily describe me as a happy person, but i actually feel that way for the vast majority of the time. not like, happy with myself or my school or anything in particular, really. just happy to be. if someone asked me what the best things in my life were, i would definitely absolutely 100%ly say it is most surely the people in my life. i guess what keeps me going is my faith. and i don't mean my faith in God (or god), necessarily... but kind of. my faith that things will ultimately sort themselves out (God? karma? i just feel like something is there) and my faith in people. when i start to doubt people, that's when i get really really depressed.
i don't know... i just look at all the amazing people around me and it's so... gah, amazing crazy superwonderful awesome to see what people can accomplish. and then i think, how can i not believe in people? random: dan's dad was explaining to me how they used doppler shift to determine how parts of the universe are moving away from us and my brain just about nearly almost exploded. it's insane what people have been able to figure out.
and i love all the people around me... i really couldn't ask for a better social environment. but part of me wonders what good i am. and i'm sure that's something we all struggle with, to some extent. and although i'm not concerned with many aspects of me that plague others, i often wonder what good i do. everyone around me seems to do such amazing things and contribute so much to those around them... but what am i good for? what do i really do?
dan says i shouldn't compare myself to others -- but what am i supposed to do? accept mediocrity? i can't... it would be an insult to those who have taught me what i know, influenced the way i think, and shaped the person i am today.
name anyone and i can give you a list of why i admire them. i can't think of anything good i've done lately. i just keep feeling like i never do enough. inadequacy? i guess that's it.
changing topics, a co-worker from IGA gave birth to a baby girl. i was so incredibly happy for her because i knew that she had wanted a child soooooo badly for a long time. and she's such a wonderful person, i told dan she should get whatever she wants. i'm going to her place on thursday night (in case i disappear, at least you guys will know what happened!!!!!!!! ...if anyone dares to read this far!) for a fun-filled sleepover. hahaha. she's so funny. she was saying that as soon as she went on maternity leave she thought of me and wished i would sleepover and watch movies with her. she must be in her thirties.
hmm what else? well dan and i are good, in case anyone was wondering. i think we're starting to get over some things we bumped into in the past and we thought we'd figured out, but really hadn't. i think we're finally moving on. he asked me about getting rings today (we talk about things like this sometimes... it doesn't indicate that anything to do with it happening soon; it's just planning) and i smiled because i knew he felt good about us. he wouldn't ask about specific things in the future like that if he wasn't really thinking about us together... foreverish.
my mom and jeff came home today. it's nice to have a full house again. even if i do have to wait 2 hours to use the bathroom (seriously. mornings here are ridiculous).
and aaron, i'm sure i've told you before, and i will now tell you again -- your mom will not kick you out. you're her son and you will find something to do by then. something creative and wonderful and worth your time. and if anything happens, you know my house is full enough so that no one will notice one more :P haha. seriously though, if things got really bad, how could my parents not let you stay at my place? they know you (kind of), they know i have a boyfriend, they might know you're gay (can't remember if i said anything or not. oh well) so why not? anyways, if they really said no because they were being stupid horrible evil mean bad people (if they really didn't want you to stay over and you had no place to go i would be so incredibly pissed i almost feel angry just thinking about it), i would make you come to my house anyways (how could they stop me? throw me out? hahaha so bad... it's okay, we could go to dan's house!). i have nice clothes to cushion the floor (much softer than your bed) and tons of food... once my mom goes to costco this week!
okay so i really need to figure out some co-op stuff right now so i shall talk to you guys later! stay safe and keep in touch. let's do something together soon before co-op destroys me!
- chels
ps- aaron, you've probably read up to here, so here you go: i'm honestly very sorry that i can't make it to your graduation. i know you've worked really hard and accomplished some great things. looking back at your work, i know you know you've learned something well worth the effort, and i wish i could be there to celebrate that with you. have a great day without me, though. take the time to congratulate yourself for all you've done. and don't be mad at me please..!
so first of all, i have to say this one thing (somewhat directed more to lily and aaron because i told lily i could go already and because it directly involves aaron)... i actually can't go to aaron's grad. i'm really, truly sorry; i was really looking forward to it (i mean that) and i told lily i could go... but i forgot i have to volunteer for PURE (dan reminded me... darn him...)!!! poooooooooooooooooooooooooo...
so aside from that, i have an assignment for co-op due next monday (eek) and i've got "co-op bootcamp" next thursday... i can't believe school is already starting!!!
i really am so excited... but extremely nervous as well. part of me knows how invaluable this experience is, but i guess another part of me feels ill prepared and inadequate... and i know that this experience is going to make me dig deep and really get a good look at myself. which i guess is what i'm afraid of. i already know, obviously, that i'm not perfect. so not. but i feel like doing this is going to make me face my insecurities and weaknesses head on (you know, in order to deal with them). and i guess my worst fear is that i'll realize that i'm sooo much of a work in progress i won't be able to cope.
not that i'm backing down. i definitely think this is the right move for me. it's just so scary, y'know? i feel so alone and confused...
so about that course lily and i took; this is kind of random but i was talking to dan and he was saying how he was proud of me for working so hard and i really stopped to think about it and i realized that during the last 3-4 weeks of that course (ie, half to two thirds of the course) i had probably put more effort into that class than i had ever put into anything else in my life. which is sad, if you want to think of it that way. but the thing is, when i think about it, there really is so much that just came naturally to me, in my life. and i'm not trying to brag -- that's nothing to be proud of. who cares what you've got? it's about what you do and what you earn. and so for that course (we haven't gotten our marks back yet), i am actually content with my performance. i'm hoping for a great amazing mark (note the word, hoping) but i'm not nervous. i worked hard and so i know that no matter what i get, it's what i deserve. which kind of makes me feel good that i really did it.
wow so much to say... should i just stop here? bleh. well if you're tired of reading i guess my post can end here.
see you guys soon :)
chels
if you are interested in hearing more, i've got about three more things on my list..?
well yeah. i don't know if you guys or anyone, really would necessarily describe me as a happy person, but i actually feel that way for the vast majority of the time. not like, happy with myself or my school or anything in particular, really. just happy to be. if someone asked me what the best things in my life were, i would definitely absolutely 100%ly say it is most surely the people in my life. i guess what keeps me going is my faith. and i don't mean my faith in God (or god), necessarily... but kind of. my faith that things will ultimately sort themselves out (God? karma? i just feel like something is there) and my faith in people. when i start to doubt people, that's when i get really really depressed.
i don't know... i just look at all the amazing people around me and it's so... gah, amazing crazy superwonderful awesome to see what people can accomplish. and then i think, how can i not believe in people? random: dan's dad was explaining to me how they used doppler shift to determine how parts of the universe are moving away from us and my brain just about nearly almost exploded. it's insane what people have been able to figure out.
and i love all the people around me... i really couldn't ask for a better social environment. but part of me wonders what good i am. and i'm sure that's something we all struggle with, to some extent. and although i'm not concerned with many aspects of me that plague others, i often wonder what good i do. everyone around me seems to do such amazing things and contribute so much to those around them... but what am i good for? what do i really do?
dan says i shouldn't compare myself to others -- but what am i supposed to do? accept mediocrity? i can't... it would be an insult to those who have taught me what i know, influenced the way i think, and shaped the person i am today.
name anyone and i can give you a list of why i admire them. i can't think of anything good i've done lately. i just keep feeling like i never do enough. inadequacy? i guess that's it.
changing topics, a co-worker from IGA gave birth to a baby girl. i was so incredibly happy for her because i knew that she had wanted a child soooooo badly for a long time. and she's such a wonderful person, i told dan she should get whatever she wants. i'm going to her place on thursday night (in case i disappear, at least you guys will know what happened!!!!!!!! ...if anyone dares to read this far!) for a fun-filled sleepover. hahaha. she's so funny. she was saying that as soon as she went on maternity leave she thought of me and wished i would sleepover and watch movies with her. she must be in her thirties.
hmm what else? well dan and i are good, in case anyone was wondering. i think we're starting to get over some things we bumped into in the past and we thought we'd figured out, but really hadn't. i think we're finally moving on. he asked me about getting rings today (we talk about things like this sometimes... it doesn't indicate that anything to do with it happening soon; it's just planning) and i smiled because i knew he felt good about us. he wouldn't ask about specific things in the future like that if he wasn't really thinking about us together... foreverish.
my mom and jeff came home today. it's nice to have a full house again. even if i do have to wait 2 hours to use the bathroom (seriously. mornings here are ridiculous).
and aaron, i'm sure i've told you before, and i will now tell you again -- your mom will not kick you out. you're her son and you will find something to do by then. something creative and wonderful and worth your time. and if anything happens, you know my house is full enough so that no one will notice one more :P haha. seriously though, if things got really bad, how could my parents not let you stay at my place? they know you (kind of), they know i have a boyfriend, they might know you're gay (can't remember if i said anything or not. oh well) so why not? anyways, if they really said no because they were being stupid horrible evil mean bad people (if they really didn't want you to stay over and you had no place to go i would be so incredibly pissed i almost feel angry just thinking about it), i would make you come to my house anyways (how could they stop me? throw me out? hahaha so bad... it's okay, we could go to dan's house!). i have nice clothes to cushion the floor (much softer than your bed) and tons of food... once my mom goes to costco this week!
okay so i really need to figure out some co-op stuff right now so i shall talk to you guys later! stay safe and keep in touch. let's do something together soon before co-op destroys me!
- chels
ps- aaron, you've probably read up to here, so here you go: i'm honestly very sorry that i can't make it to your graduation. i know you've worked really hard and accomplished some great things. looking back at your work, i know you know you've learned something well worth the effort, and i wish i could be there to celebrate that with you. have a great day without me, though. take the time to congratulate yourself for all you've done. and don't be mad at me please..!
Glue keeps everything together
Why/how would it be weird if you went by yourself? I went to Kem's graduation by myself and even though his family was there, I didn't sit by them (cause i didn't know where they were) so I sat by myself. What's wrong with that?
I've been going to the Queer Film Festival movies for a few days now, all of which (except today) I went by myself. Last night, for the first time in my life, I walked out of a theatre in the middle of a movie. It was pretty bad, and I felt bad because everyone else seemed somewhat attentive, but the lack of characterization and how everybody was the same and not enough story into the individual personalities, plus a pretty boring storyline... I felt bad, yes, but I knew that if I continued to sit there and feel dumb watching it, that I wouldn't be happy after, so I left. Oh well.
Going to see a movie with Kem. This one is supposed to be good, so I hope I don't have to walk out again.
How did the exams go? Buena suerte on your driving lessons and I hope no old lady is unfortunate enough to cross your path, Lily :)
Aaron
I've been going to the Queer Film Festival movies for a few days now, all of which (except today) I went by myself. Last night, for the first time in my life, I walked out of a theatre in the middle of a movie. It was pretty bad, and I felt bad because everyone else seemed somewhat attentive, but the lack of characterization and how everybody was the same and not enough story into the individual personalities, plus a pretty boring storyline... I felt bad, yes, but I knew that if I continued to sit there and feel dumb watching it, that I wouldn't be happy after, so I left. Oh well.
Going to see a movie with Kem. This one is supposed to be good, so I hope I don't have to walk out again.
How did the exams go? Buena suerte on your driving lessons and I hope no old lady is unfortunate enough to cross your path, Lily :)
Aaron
Monday, August 18, 2008
hey y'all
i don't mind going to your grad..if chels goes that is cause it would be weird if i went by myself.
Anyways i was going to ask you guys if we could hang out on friday cause i'm going to harrison hot springs from Sunday to tuesday. My driving test is on Wednesday. WISH ME LUCK! Hopefully i won't hit someone and will PASS!
i don't mind going to your grad..if chels goes that is cause it would be weird if i went by myself.
Anyways i was going to ask you guys if we could hang out on friday cause i'm going to harrison hot springs from Sunday to tuesday. My driving test is on Wednesday. WISH ME LUCK! Hopefully i won't hit someone and will PASS!
Quand je tombe, je serai finalement libre
Seems like it's been so long since I've written here. Sorry 'bout that, in case you guys were dying to know what's happening with my life (especially Lily). At least school is finishing up this week. Graduation is on Friday at 3:00. I don't know if any of you guys want to come, but you can if you want.
Apart from school wrapping up, I don't think a whole lot has changed. I got to pitch last week for OutTV, which was an interesting experience to say the least. I suppose it was good to have a taste of light rejection and people suggesting ways to make your stories "better" with what they think should happen... which can be a bit annoying sometimes.
Also last week was the screening/premier of our short films. I was really excited to see mine and everyone else's films, since none of them had been seen by us, the writers before. It was really cool, just to actually see something that all of us had written on the big screen with a large crowd... not only was it humbling but also gratifying, knowing that I now have something to show people and say, "I wrote this." I also got a copy of it from my director (who is awesome) and I'm going to now submit this to as many film festivals as I humanly can. That should be fun.
Speaking of career stuff, I had yet another dreaful talk with my mom about what I'm going to do after graduating. None of these talks ever end well, it seems and we also seem to talk about the same stuff, which irritates me even further. She still wants me to go to school, and thinks what I'm doing (film school) is a waste of time despite going to school right now. Basically, if I can't get transferrable credits to UBC or SFU (I do get credits but they're not transferrable), then I'm "wasting my time", and whatever I try to say to explain to her that it isn't, she doesn't really believe me.
She's giving me until January to "waste time". After that, if I don't apply to any school, she's not going to support me anymore. So yes. She's going to kick me out of the house if I don't go to school. Which I didn't think she would do, but hmm. I guess so. She seems convinced that if I'm not going to school or have a concrete job that I'm going to be wandering around the house doing nothing, which isn't necessarily the case. At one point, I told her, "I'm not wasting my time by doing writing and music." and she replied, "Well, show me! Prove to me you're not wasting your time." That sort of made me angry, which made me say, "Why do I have to even prove anything?" Nothing I say or do seems to make my mom happy or believe in me, so why should I do what she wants? It's my life, as cliche as that is.
Whatever. I feel like my time living with her is coming to an end. Maybe I need to move... maybe out of the city.
I also told my mom about Kem a few days ago. And by Kem, I mean, Kem + me and that we had a relationship a while ago. She kept asking me why he doesn't come around anymore, and I kept telling her that things changed. When she asked what changed, I told her, "We broke up. He was my boyfriend for a while... but then we broke up." And after a few seconds of hearing nothing, I looked up from tying my shoes and she had this disturbed, slightly horrified, confused look. Which was good. She has this image of Kem as the all-around dream son--the degree obtaining, hard-working, intelligent smart guy, who of course couldn't be gay... but oh look. He is... and he was with me for a while too. Too bad for her.
I told Kem about it and he seemed okay. I haven't seen him in about a month or so, which kind of irritates me because I'm always the one making an effort to try and organize stuff that we can do, but he's always either shooting it down because of something he has to do or he's too tired. I don't want to be selfish and be like, "It's all about me!" because it's not. It's about maintaining our friendship and if only one person is trying to do it and the other is just meh about it, then that's not really a friendship, right? So yeah. I told him that, which I think he knows already because I brought it up, and at least we're going to see a movie together tomorrow (part of the Queer Film Festival. I saw 3 films back to back yesterday!)
Sorry this is so long. I'm sure Lily stopped reading a long time ago. Ha. Or maybe she just saw her name right there and decided to keep reading. I guess we should all do something next week? I think that would be the best time for me. I hope you're all doing well with your last exams, "camping trips", and going to LA.
See you all soon!
~~Aaron
Apart from school wrapping up, I don't think a whole lot has changed. I got to pitch last week for OutTV, which was an interesting experience to say the least. I suppose it was good to have a taste of light rejection and people suggesting ways to make your stories "better" with what they think should happen... which can be a bit annoying sometimes.
Also last week was the screening/premier of our short films. I was really excited to see mine and everyone else's films, since none of them had been seen by us, the writers before. It was really cool, just to actually see something that all of us had written on the big screen with a large crowd... not only was it humbling but also gratifying, knowing that I now have something to show people and say, "I wrote this." I also got a copy of it from my director (who is awesome) and I'm going to now submit this to as many film festivals as I humanly can. That should be fun.
Speaking of career stuff, I had yet another dreaful talk with my mom about what I'm going to do after graduating. None of these talks ever end well, it seems and we also seem to talk about the same stuff, which irritates me even further. She still wants me to go to school, and thinks what I'm doing (film school) is a waste of time despite going to school right now. Basically, if I can't get transferrable credits to UBC or SFU (I do get credits but they're not transferrable), then I'm "wasting my time", and whatever I try to say to explain to her that it isn't, she doesn't really believe me.
She's giving me until January to "waste time". After that, if I don't apply to any school, she's not going to support me anymore. So yes. She's going to kick me out of the house if I don't go to school. Which I didn't think she would do, but hmm. I guess so. She seems convinced that if I'm not going to school or have a concrete job that I'm going to be wandering around the house doing nothing, which isn't necessarily the case. At one point, I told her, "I'm not wasting my time by doing writing and music." and she replied, "Well, show me! Prove to me you're not wasting your time." That sort of made me angry, which made me say, "Why do I have to even prove anything?" Nothing I say or do seems to make my mom happy or believe in me, so why should I do what she wants? It's my life, as cliche as that is.
Whatever. I feel like my time living with her is coming to an end. Maybe I need to move... maybe out of the city.
I also told my mom about Kem a few days ago. And by Kem, I mean, Kem + me and that we had a relationship a while ago. She kept asking me why he doesn't come around anymore, and I kept telling her that things changed. When she asked what changed, I told her, "We broke up. He was my boyfriend for a while... but then we broke up." And after a few seconds of hearing nothing, I looked up from tying my shoes and she had this disturbed, slightly horrified, confused look. Which was good. She has this image of Kem as the all-around dream son--the degree obtaining, hard-working, intelligent smart guy, who of course couldn't be gay... but oh look. He is... and he was with me for a while too. Too bad for her.
I told Kem about it and he seemed okay. I haven't seen him in about a month or so, which kind of irritates me because I'm always the one making an effort to try and organize stuff that we can do, but he's always either shooting it down because of something he has to do or he's too tired. I don't want to be selfish and be like, "It's all about me!" because it's not. It's about maintaining our friendship and if only one person is trying to do it and the other is just meh about it, then that's not really a friendship, right? So yeah. I told him that, which I think he knows already because I brought it up, and at least we're going to see a movie together tomorrow (part of the Queer Film Festival. I saw 3 films back to back yesterday!)
Sorry this is so long. I'm sure Lily stopped reading a long time ago. Ha. Or maybe she just saw her name right there and decided to keep reading. I guess we should all do something next week? I think that would be the best time for me. I hope you're all doing well with your last exams, "camping trips", and going to LA.
See you all soon!
~~Aaron
Thursday, August 14, 2008
break time
arg so you can totally tell i'm studying as my facebook fish are well fed and their tank is clean.
lily and i (and ann too!) are all going for this very last push... it's so hard. but after tomorrow morning (i think) for ann, and after saturday night for lily and me (and eugene) all our hard work will be rewarded... i hope. lily and eugene and i have plans after our exam...
to mcdonald's we go!!!
i'm excited. i just didn't want to finish our exam at 9pm on a saturday night, after working our butts off all summer, basically, and then just like, go home to sleep. anything will suffice. mcd's will be fine.
so yeah, i'm really lonely... but soon after our exam (3 days after actually) my mom and jeff are coming home. and i have to submit some co-op stuff and pay school fees and argggggg... i wish we had a bit longer than 2 weeks :( but i guess it was my choice to take these courses and whatnot so...
i do feel slightly more educated, though, after taking these courses. i really feel like i actually kind of get it. which is nice.
anyhows, gonna study some more now.
miss everyone (except for lily... just kidding. kind of. a bit.) a lot and we should get together when ann gets back. or when aaron/jo are free. i'm glad we could all be together for lily's bday...
i wonder if diane will use the coupons lily and i gave her for her birthday (they're "favour" coupons... ie, we'll take her for dinner, etc)...
-chels :)
lily and i (and ann too!) are all going for this very last push... it's so hard. but after tomorrow morning (i think) for ann, and after saturday night for lily and me (and eugene) all our hard work will be rewarded... i hope. lily and eugene and i have plans after our exam...
to mcdonald's we go!!!
i'm excited. i just didn't want to finish our exam at 9pm on a saturday night, after working our butts off all summer, basically, and then just like, go home to sleep. anything will suffice. mcd's will be fine.
so yeah, i'm really lonely... but soon after our exam (3 days after actually) my mom and jeff are coming home. and i have to submit some co-op stuff and pay school fees and argggggg... i wish we had a bit longer than 2 weeks :( but i guess it was my choice to take these courses and whatnot so...
i do feel slightly more educated, though, after taking these courses. i really feel like i actually kind of get it. which is nice.
anyhows, gonna study some more now.
miss everyone (except for lily... just kidding. kind of. a bit.) a lot and we should get together when ann gets back. or when aaron/jo are free. i'm glad we could all be together for lily's bday...
i wonder if diane will use the coupons lily and i gave her for her birthday (they're "favour" coupons... ie, we'll take her for dinner, etc)...
-chels :)
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
hey guys
i don't want to record my voice because i sound manly and i don't like it.
well chels and i are (should be) studying for our final on saturday.
There's just a lot of worries at home over here.
Yesterday, my brother told me he has a lung infection. It really worried because suddenly, the thought of losing him came into my mind and i began to cry. I know that smoking increases your chances but still...i don't want to think about that.
Today, my younger brother has been receiving stupid prank calls from stupid people. It got so bad that at one point, he received 300 text msgs saying he's a loser, he's a fag.
He's also sad because he hasn't been keeping in contact with his friends because of summer school. I think he thinks summer school is for losers (nerds). I'm going to talk to him hopefully soon because he needs to realize that people who do it want to get ahead (or catch up) but nonetheless, those who do go to summer school is focusing on their future.
I'm taking summer school because i want a lighter course load 2nd year and want to save money ($350 actually - a coach purse ha ha).
And I just called home and my mom picked up and i told her that i would like bill to live with me and charles (my other brother who i never talked to about this idea) and she said that she wants to come cause she gets lonely too and that we should just rent a bigger space so we all can live together.
I guess right now, i'm just realizing that we don't have that much time. Although I've always been short for time but now, the focus is on treating my family well because i haven't always.
I'm saddy :(
But after my final and after my road test i'll be able to focus more on that issue and actually do something
have a safe trip ann...and a word of advice, if you don't think it's right, don't do it.
I wanted to go to Edmonton with Jon (i suggested it) and for my birthday he was planning to take me on a road trip to edmonton. I really wanted to go but it's a long drive. I was even thinking about not telling my dad but my brother (charles who i live with told me to get permission), so i lied and said I was going to Calgary. My dad said no to calgary but yes to banff. I was initially going to say that we're going to banff but actually go to edmonton but i really didn't feel comfortable lying.
Mainly because i don't want to put myself in that situation and risk my life on false pretences. Also, i don't want to put my fmaily in a position where something bad does happen and they find out i lied and i'm in the hospital or something (knock on wood). So we're just going to harrison hot springs which is only 3 hours away.
Anyways ann, it's always going to be your choice because if you want to go, no one is stopping you but just take into consideration your family. Just my 2 cents.
Have a safe one though.
And although i may not say this often, Ann, Aaron, Chelsea and Joanne, I'm really glad to have you guys in my life and I wouldn't change my friends (except maybe Aaron--haha jk) if i could. Honestly. I just want to let you know that and if i had thought about it earlier i should have told you before my birthday *wink wink*.
See i can't NOT make jokes because i don't like handling intense situations like this but i mean every word except for the exchanging aaron thing.
anyways i've written enough
talk to you guys later
love
lily!!!
i don't want to record my voice because i sound manly and i don't like it.
well chels and i are (should be) studying for our final on saturday.
There's just a lot of worries at home over here.
Yesterday, my brother told me he has a lung infection. It really worried because suddenly, the thought of losing him came into my mind and i began to cry. I know that smoking increases your chances but still...i don't want to think about that.
Today, my younger brother has been receiving stupid prank calls from stupid people. It got so bad that at one point, he received 300 text msgs saying he's a loser, he's a fag.
He's also sad because he hasn't been keeping in contact with his friends because of summer school. I think he thinks summer school is for losers (nerds). I'm going to talk to him hopefully soon because he needs to realize that people who do it want to get ahead (or catch up) but nonetheless, those who do go to summer school is focusing on their future.
I'm taking summer school because i want a lighter course load 2nd year and want to save money ($350 actually - a coach purse ha ha).
And I just called home and my mom picked up and i told her that i would like bill to live with me and charles (my other brother who i never talked to about this idea) and she said that she wants to come cause she gets lonely too and that we should just rent a bigger space so we all can live together.
I guess right now, i'm just realizing that we don't have that much time. Although I've always been short for time but now, the focus is on treating my family well because i haven't always.
I'm saddy :(
But after my final and after my road test i'll be able to focus more on that issue and actually do something
have a safe trip ann...and a word of advice, if you don't think it's right, don't do it.
I wanted to go to Edmonton with Jon (i suggested it) and for my birthday he was planning to take me on a road trip to edmonton. I really wanted to go but it's a long drive. I was even thinking about not telling my dad but my brother (charles who i live with told me to get permission), so i lied and said I was going to Calgary. My dad said no to calgary but yes to banff. I was initially going to say that we're going to banff but actually go to edmonton but i really didn't feel comfortable lying.
Mainly because i don't want to put myself in that situation and risk my life on false pretences. Also, i don't want to put my fmaily in a position where something bad does happen and they find out i lied and i'm in the hospital or something (knock on wood). So we're just going to harrison hot springs which is only 3 hours away.
Anyways ann, it's always going to be your choice because if you want to go, no one is stopping you but just take into consideration your family. Just my 2 cents.
Have a safe one though.
And although i may not say this often, Ann, Aaron, Chelsea and Joanne, I'm really glad to have you guys in my life and I wouldn't change my friends (except maybe Aaron--haha jk) if i could. Honestly. I just want to let you know that and if i had thought about it earlier i should have told you before my birthday *wink wink*.
See i can't NOT make jokes because i don't like handling intense situations like this but i mean every word except for the exchanging aaron thing.
anyways i've written enough
talk to you guys later
love
lily!!!
Monday, August 11, 2008
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